Today is my birthday. Today is not a day I expected to see. For the first time, today it truly hit me just how incredible it is that I have lived nineteen years on this earth. I have survived severe anorexia, depression and multiple suicidal periods. In fact, just ten days ago, I came my closest yet to ending my own life. But, just as my newest tattoo reminds me, here I am living despite it all.
Something I have struggled with almost every day of those nineteen years is pessimism. Mostly directed at myself and my future, but also at the world and others as well. So I challenged to create this list, of nineteen good things that happened between this birthday and my last.
24/06/2017 – 24/06/2018
- Having a beautiful birthday picnic for my 18th on a beautiful day, with beautiful new Sydney friends (that’s it above)
- Getting my first tattoo
- Getting my second tattoo
- Painting props for the university theatre society – even though I didn’t perform, I was still a part of something (and got free tickets!)
- Leaving veganism behind me
- Making incredible and unexpected friends during eating disorder and psychiatric treatment
- Becoming a Christian
- Getting to meet the alpacas at my parent’s new property in South Western Australia when I went home for Christmas AND THEN one of the alpacas gave birth
- Ticking off a bucket list item by hiking to the Figure 8 Pool in the Sydney Royal National Park
- Re-joining the gym
- Moving from my tiny solo place into a 2 bedroom apartment with another hip person
- Reading the Vegetarian by Han Kang before realising it was quite psychiatric and a little triggering, but excellent nonetheless. Along with lots of other incredible new reads such as Shades of Grey by Jasper Fforde
- Creating my largest t-shirt rag rug ever, for a custom order. It’s a massive 1.5 metres wide, which was no simple feat to sew by hand. Finding energy to channel into my Etsy store.
- Teaching myself to sew clothes – I’ve always been able to sew, just never clothes
- Doing lots of headstands in new kick-ass places
- Also learning to do fore arm balances AKA Pincha Mayurasana
- Finally starting actual physiology subjects now that I’m in the second year of my science / arts degree – and loving them!
- Completing my first ever eating disorder specific treatment in the eight years I have suffered from anorexia / bulimia
- Surviving to see my 19th birthday, which, because of a near suicide attempt ten days ago, I wasn’t even sure I would be celebrating. The other things on this list are great, but this the best one of them all.
I’m so glad you survived! And happy birthday! late, but happy birthday! hope you had a fab day!
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thank you! better late than never x
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I always think being in a place of gratitude is the best place I can be. If I’m not in it, I try to fight to get back to it. I see lots to live for here! Happy birthday Rosie! ❤
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