An Award – after a month!

I’m honoured / awed / shocked / a little paranoid / panicky (thanks brain, hijacking all the good things as usual) to have been nominated for the blogger recognition award by the incredible Kaitlyn of With Being Alive.

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After only a month of this new blogging adventureMe: sitting in bed, laptop on knees, coffee curled into chest for warmth and comfort, awed. In awe. Flawed with awe. Floored by awe.

Whatever. Ignore the rambling poet in me.

So I guess that is why I blog. For the connections, the worldwide network of strangers who would seemingly go to the ends of the earth for each other, even though we’ve never met in person, never met beyond back-and-forth comments of support, recognition, validation and compassion. I didn’t intend to make connections when I started blogging again (this is round two, read about round one here). Except, I guess that connection isn’t the true reason. Blogging is a form of emotional purging. Now that word has some fun connotations for me as someone with an eating disorder, but it is just that. Emotional vomit. And for whatever reason, dumping my thoughts as eloquent trails of syllables and poetry and punctuation, helps. Blogging helps. Writing helps. Not many other things do. So when I find something that helps, I’m going to fucking stick to it.

Cool, so, yep, awe has now been replaced by my pal shame (I’m afraid of recognition from the whole “traumatic bullying experience and invalidation of everything good I ever did as a child” debacle). Shame makes my head duck, eyes fall, and lips smirk – even though I’m alone.

Moving on, the rules for these awards are:

  1. Post the Blogger Recognition Award Rules.
  2. Use the Blogger Recognition Award badge on your website.
  3. Share the reasons why you blog.
  4. Share two tips for new bloggers.
  5. Nominate other bloggers for this award and notify each of them about this nomination.

Here are my own nominees…

Wishes Into Stars

The Art of Becoming

Insomnia Girl

New bloggers – here are my tips:

  1. Stay true to yourself and your voice, no matter how many followers you lose, or how many people dislike what you do. Your blog is written by you, but it should also be written for you.
  2. People aren’t going to like what you write, 100% of the time. Maybe not even half the time, especially if you’re following the above tip. Don’t give a shit about it, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.

Yay for positive goodness, nay for the whirlwind of emotions BPD is currently throwing at me… over and out.

 

Blogging, round two

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I like to write. I like to ramble. I like to blog.

This isn’t the first time I’ve tried my hand at blogging. Nor will it probably be the last. My perfectionism kicked in a little too much with my last project, and it will inevitably become yet another project I regret not seeing through. I started a food blog – yeah, I was one of those people. This blog started with an Instagram, which started because a friend also recovering from anorexia thought it might keep me accountable as I tried to recover from this illness – on my own (it was a secret, mine and my disorder’s). So I guess, what it really all started with was losing my life to anorexia nervosa, an illness that first begun to strangle me at age eleven.

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The food blogging didn’t come without it’s problems. Turns out, becoming intensely preoccupied with food, such as collecting recipes, is just another symptom of eating disorders. I have always loved to cook, and bake especially, but once this thought entered my mind, I could no longer channel the same passion into my blog anymore. (That blog is here, if you’re wondering, and if the hosting hasn’t expired yet.) I even went so far as to ‘start’ a cake business. This was another project that got neglected, and fizzled out. Both the blog and business are two things I’m glad I did, and it definitely did help as I learned to eat again, but once anorexia morphed into bulimia, and creating new recipes became an excuse to binge, this was no longer a helpful venture. It was undoubtedly a great learning curve; I taught myself SEO optimisation, how to navigate WordPress.org, website customisation, HTML coding, manual photography, Lightroom for editing photos – it was not without it’s excitement.

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Things change though. Since starting that blog, I moved out of home at aged seventeen from the coastal community of Geraldton, Western Australia, to Sydney, on the other side of the country to study at a very prestigious university. I didn’t even realise when I accepted my offer that it was quite so prestigious.

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Although I may no longer struggle so strongly with anorexia, fighting my eating disorder – and her loud fucking voice – is still a daily battle. At the same time, I’m also still battling depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, emotional dysregulation, self harm, and suicidality. I have a lot on my plate, in other words. I no longer want to feel obliged to create recipes, take pretty pictures, post pretty pictures to Facebook, Insta, and finally my blog, do all the other self-promotion that a new blog post requires, and find some time to feel good about myself. Food blogging was great for a little while, it just became a chore, which I take as a sign that it wasn’t for me anymore. I mean, I did get a lot of free goodies, and made a lot of international internet friends, which was nice. But scrolling through Instagram everyday did me no favours, in fact I think it just perpetuated my eating disorder.

It’s just that I’m at a different stage of life and recovery now, a lot has changed since I started that first food blog adventure, and I no longer want to be restricted by the “food blog” niche. I like to write. I like to ramble. I like to blog.

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I’m Rosie Bogs. Welcome to my (new!) blog.