19 Good Things From The Year I Turned 19

Today is my birthday. Today is not a day I expected to see. For the first time, today it truly hit me just how incredible it is that I have lived nineteen years on this earth. I have survived severe anorexia, depression and multiple suicidal periods. In fact, just ten days ago, I came my… Continue reading 19 Good Things From The Year I Turned 19

Permanency

I have tattoos. People are genuinely surprised to hear this, because my first is on my hipbone and so not visible. My second is freshly done, and definitely visible (it's on my bicep) but it's winter now and hidden beneath layers of soft knits and scarves. Maybe people are surprised because I don't look "the… Continue reading Permanency

A Word on Being Alone

For the first time in my life, I have experienced true alone-ness. Not loneliness, the longing for other people, nor deliberate isolation where my eating disorder could fester. Not a desire to be by myself. But a whole new experience - 'aloneness'. I lived alone for just over six months, and, retrospectively, I have realised… Continue reading A Word on Being Alone

Nurturing Internal Wounds (AKA therapy sucks)

Since my last period of extreme suicidality (okay, so essentially the last few months of 2017), I have had a "treatment team" looking after me and my mental health. This includes a GP, psychologist specialising in mood disorders and a psychiatrist. During eating disorder treatment, this also included two eating disorder psychologists, an occupational therapist… Continue reading Nurturing Internal Wounds (AKA therapy sucks)

Bible Quotes That Deeply Resonate with My Depression (and other illnesses too)

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those crushed in spirit" - Psalm 34:18 "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ" - Galatians 6:2 "The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble" - Psalm 9:9 "Pray without ceasing" - Thessalonians 5:17 "Therefore, if food… Continue reading Bible Quotes That Deeply Resonate with My Depression (and other illnesses too)

Help – The Universe Hates Me

It seems that in the past week, the universe has been strongly against me. It has been really hard to seem okay. It has been really hard to wake up, but also to escape to sleep knowing that I will have to face the same thing again the next day. A few unfortunate things happened.… Continue reading Help – The Universe Hates Me

Hands and Faces 2

Drawings and sketches of hands and faces. I'm a little obsessed with hands and anatomy. I guess you could consider the faces self portraits of a kind. Selected prints for sale through Etsy.

These Are Not Flotsam and Jetsam Thoughts – A Poem

These are not flotsam and jetsam thoughts, they do not ebb and flow, they are as constant as the stars and the universe, expanding and contracting like the breath. Tides cannot be turned off, and neither can the tsunami of negativity that swamps me surreptitiously. Caress me Death, I welcome thee, with open arms and… Continue reading These Are Not Flotsam and Jetsam Thoughts – A Poem

Hands and Faces 1

Drawings and sketches of hands and faces. I'm a little obsessed with hands and anatomy. I guess you could consider the faces self portraits of a kind. Selected prints for sale through Etsy.

Icarus and the Phoenix – A Poem

I am plummeting, an Icarus without sacred plumage, nor the beauty of a soft dusting of undergrowth, to break my fall. Each time I rise, I am a phoenix, but even phoenixes will finally die. Being engulfed in agony, where I seek shelter, and comfort, and safety, and learn to decorate pain, like A.W. Toad… Continue reading Icarus and the Phoenix – A Poem