That thing I never talk about

When I was in high school, I went through several severe stressors all at roughly the same time. First, I was already suffering from anorexia nervosa, which isn't exactly a great way to kick things off. Then I was bullied incessantly. And by incessantly, well fuck. I was physically and verbally abused every single day, from 8… Continue reading That thing I never talk about

A New Therapy Path

I've seen a few people in the mental health blogosphere describe the process of leaving a therapist a bit like Nanny McPhee: When you don't want them, but need them, they must stay, and when you want them, but no longer need them, then they must go. This is not necessarily true. I am not… Continue reading A New Therapy Path

Things Change + A Poem

I made a fairly big call recently. I decided to return to my home town in regional coastal Western Australia. It is a place seething with bad memories, and as I have made very clear on this blog before, the source of much trauma. As I was flying in, I realised something. This isn't a… Continue reading Things Change + A Poem

Anorexic is not an adjective

This week, I saw something that frustrated me. It frustrated me to the point of 'borderline rage', the kind that hasn't consumed me for a long time, and the impulsivity that accompanies this. In this case, the impulsive act didn't cause much corporeal damage - I posted a long, deeply personal post via Facebook. The… Continue reading Anorexic is not an adjective

19 Good Things From The Year I Turned 19

Today is my birthday. Today is not a day I expected to see. For the first time, today it truly hit me just how incredible it is that I have lived nineteen years on this earth. I have survived severe anorexia, depression and multiple suicidal periods. In fact, just ten days ago, I came my… Continue reading 19 Good Things From The Year I Turned 19

Permanency

I have tattoos. People are genuinely surprised to hear this, because my first is on my hipbone and so not visible. My second is freshly done, and definitely visible (it's on my bicep) but it's winter now and hidden beneath layers of soft knits and scarves. Maybe people are surprised because I don't look "the… Continue reading Permanency

A Word on Being Alone

For the first time in my life, I have experienced true alone-ness. Not loneliness, the longing for other people, nor deliberate isolation where my eating disorder could fester. Not a desire to be by myself. But a whole new experience - 'aloneness'. I lived alone for just over six months, and, retrospectively, I have realised… Continue reading A Word on Being Alone

Nurturing Internal Wounds (AKA therapy sucks)

Since my last period of extreme suicidality (okay, so essentially the last few months of 2017), I have had a "treatment team" looking after me and my mental health. This includes a GP, psychologist specialising in mood disorders and a psychiatrist. During eating disorder treatment, this also included two eating disorder psychologists, an occupational therapist… Continue reading Nurturing Internal Wounds (AKA therapy sucks)

Bible Quotes That Deeply Resonate with My Depression (and other illnesses too)

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those crushed in spirit" - Psalm 34:18 "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ" - Galatians 6:2 "The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble" - Psalm 9:9 "Pray without ceasing" - Thessalonians 5:17 "Therefore, if food… Continue reading Bible Quotes That Deeply Resonate with My Depression (and other illnesses too)

Help – The Universe Hates Me

It seems that in the past week, the universe has been strongly against me. It has been really hard to seem okay. It has been really hard to wake up, but also to escape to sleep knowing that I will have to face the same thing again the next day. A few unfortunate things happened.… Continue reading Help – The Universe Hates Me