here’s how i learned i had add (that’s adhd, but without the hyperactive part)
CLUE NUMBER ONE
like most university students, i tried stimulants. not to get high, but because i had already received an extension on a final exam and had been struggling with my mental health so badly that i was constantly dissociating while trying to study. i took vyvanse aka long acting dexamphetamine but unlike most university students i did not get high.
not only that, but i felt like i could think. i felt calm.
CLUE NUMBER TWO
generally, i’m not into any sort of street drug. i don’t even smoke weed regularly. but, i am also believe in trying everything once. so i did speed (aka ecstasy aka molly aka mdma) in a club and …
… had a nap. legit. i left the club after it kicked in because i wasn’t feeling it and then fell asleep on the train home.
if you weren’t already aware – only people without adhd can get high from stimulants, whether that’s ritalin / adderall or a street drug like mdma.
sub clue: mdma is an amphetamine, which is the same basic molecule for adhd meds.
CLUE NUMBER THREE
some symptomatic things. i have no memory. i put it down to dissociating, until i realised i was dissociating less and my memory got worse (conundrum). it feels like i have sirens in my head. my thoughts are constantly bouncing off each other. i am generally very frazzled.
sub clue: adhd does not present the same way in males and females, just as autism presents differently in males and females. so sure, i wasn’t the typical naughty kid at school and i had top grades, but even at my lowest i have maintained good marks at uni. what i was guilty of was constantly interrupting people, saying inappropriate things impulsively and feeling constantly on edge which causes me to stim wildly.
note: people do not like it when you knock against a table very fast to calm down
TL;DR
i started stimulants and can actually fucking think for the first time in a long time
on another note, ana is loving that we are starting a medication which suppresses appetite, since we are so so close to reaching our gw. i’m at what i think is my set weight now but i am determined to push my body and lose these last _ kilos.
love,
your blogger-in-chief who no longer feels foggy all the fucking time,
rosie bogs
