Bringing Clarity To My Eating Disorder(s)

This is my safe space, where I do whatever the fuck I want. Sometimes, I write eloquently and in full sentences, and sometimes my writing becomes a pure stream of consciousness, which can be identified by the increased use of swear words and italics. Because this is my space where I do whatever the fuck… Continue reading Bringing Clarity To My Eating Disorder(s)

Eating Disorder Nostalgia

Sometimes, I wish I had died. I look back at photos from my thinnest, from my sickest, most obsessive, frame of mind and wish I had died. I was close. I can recall moments where I was terrified that I was in fact, about to die, and also the words of friends, who indeed did… Continue reading Eating Disorder Nostalgia

Some Things That Happened When I Stopped Eating

No more carbs. No more fat. No more sugar. No more eating unless I am hungry. No more tea between meals. Nothing over x amount of calories. Nothing to eat if my weight has increased, even if it's only by one hundred grams. Nothing to eat after exercise until I feel hungry again. Nothing to eat… Continue reading Some Things That Happened When I Stopped Eating

When Goal Setting Makes Me Suicidal

2017 was the first year I sought eating disorder treatment since anorexia developed in 2011. My recovery prior to this was undertaken by myself, without input from any health professionals. This was not a healthy decision. I know of people who have undertaken their own recovery and weight restoration and done an incredible job, grown… Continue reading When Goal Setting Makes Me Suicidal

I’m Sorry. To My Friends, Family, and Self.

I’m sorry to have confused you for so long. For not eating in front of you, then binging on chocolate at sleepovers, appearing normal, and immediately returning to that desolate place of starvation. I'm sorry I never said my anorexia was binge/purge sub-type, because then it would have made more sense. I’m sorry for the… Continue reading I’m Sorry. To My Friends, Family, and Self.

Anorexia: An Introduction

Have you met Ana? Ana-who? I hope you wonder Murmurs – Ana-rexia. When my spiral down the eating disorder rabbit hole began, I didn’t know anorexia existed. I had seen pictures of emaciated women, of course. I thought it was purely about looking in the mirror and seeing an obese person staring back. Having now… Continue reading Anorexia: An Introduction

The Dangers of Numbers

I’m good with numbers. In fact, I like to think I’m pretty exceptional when it comes to working with numbers. My mental arithmetic is pretty on point, which comes in handy at my IRL paying jobs: running an Etsy store, working at a bakery, and tutoring high school students. It definitely speeds up the cash… Continue reading The Dangers of Numbers

Icarus and the Phoenix – A Poem

I am plummeting, an Icarus without sacred plumage, nor the beauty of a soft dusting of undergrowth, to break my fall. Each time I rise, I am a phoenix, but even phoenixes will finally die. Being engulfed in agony, where I seek shelter, and comfort, and safety, and learn to decorate pain, like A.W. Toad… Continue reading Icarus and the Phoenix – A Poem

A New Kind of Veganism

Eighteen months ago, I made the decision to adopt a vegan lifestyle. Not just a diet, a lifestyle. I would no longer consume animal products in any way, which meant not just as food, but indirectly through the purchase of clothing and household goods too. Now, at the time, I gave three reasons for this… Continue reading A New Kind of Veganism

Blogging, round two

Follow my blog with Bloglovin I like to write. I like to ramble. I like to blog. This isn't the first time I've tried my hand at blogging. Nor will it probably be the last. My perfectionism kicked in a little too much with my last project, and it will inevitably become yet another project… Continue reading Blogging, round two