The Thing About the Future

The future can be likened to many things, some of them literal and some metaphorical. Sometimes it seems that the future is a butterfly fluttering away in the distance, always visible but never reachable. Maybe it’s more of a stone, rolling down a hill and gaining more and more momentum until it’s an unstoppable force.… Continue reading The Thing About the Future

Anxious Human Here (Again)

Here are some things that are making me anxious: University enrolment for semester two. My enrolment didn't open until 4pm which is unusual, because normally it's 9am, and this is bad because I had work 2-8.30, and my break ended at 4, so I took a sneaky 10 minutes to enrol using my phone at… Continue reading Anxious Human Here (Again)

Anxious Human Here

Here are some things that make me anxious: Being unexpectedly touched, like when people sit too close on the buses, and their thighs or sleeve touches me, and I have to press my face against the window to escape, but then my skin is touching dirty public transport glass and then I feel unclean, and… Continue reading Anxious Human Here

Soon

Soon, they say. Soon, things will get better. Soon, things will improve. Soon, the medication will take effect. Soon, the therapy will take effect. Soon, positive coping mechanisms will replace the maladaptive ones. Soon is not soon enough, in the same way that good will never be good enough. I can't be good, I need… Continue reading Soon

My Brain Hurts Tonight

There is darkness in me. It hurts. It pushes against my skull, a visceral pulse of mental pain. I feel it inside my chest and throat, where bugs dance against my flesh, and trapped insects crawl up and down. Under my skin, there's a creeping sensation. Inside my heart, a deafening beat. There's depression disguised… Continue reading My Brain Hurts Tonight

Help – The Universe Hates Me

It seems that in the past week, the universe has been strongly against me. It has been really hard to seem okay. It has been really hard to wake up, but also to escape to sleep knowing that I will have to face the same thing again the next day. A few unfortunate things happened.… Continue reading Help – The Universe Hates Me