Smol anxious stress bundle

It's me, your anxious little bundle of stress. The anxiety has been so real recently. Yesterday, I freaked out because the new tattoo I have (it's so pretty!) is healing kind of weird and I thought I'd ruined it because I had exposed it to the sun a little bit, and what if it was… Continue reading Smol anxious stress bundle

I’m officially scared of chairs

For a little while know, I've known that conventional seating isn't my thing. In a bit of a weird way. I just don't like chairs. I much prefer sitting on the floor. I don't know if it's because they symbolise waiting rooms and classrooms and doctor's rooms and rooms of other people I've somehow irritated… Continue reading I’m officially scared of chairs

That thing I never talk about

When I was in high school, I went through several severe stressors all at roughly the same time. First, I was already suffering from anorexia nervosa, which isn't exactly a great way to kick things off. Then I was bullied incessantly. And by incessantly, well fuck. I was physically and verbally abused every single day, from 8… Continue reading That thing I never talk about

Earlier.

More noticeably than ever have I been noticing the pull of polarisation that BPD brings. It comes with an anxious tremor, and a silliness fringing on hypomania, and impulsivity and outrageousness. But it also comes with dark thoughts and dark urges and the lure of punishments desecrated across my skin. Tonight I have experienced every… Continue reading Earlier.

She’s creeping in

There. Just there. A little more to the left. Shift slightly upwards. There. Did you see that? I can count every rib. Wait. No, there's some missing. There's too many missing. There. Just. there. A little to the right, a little to the left. The light is in the wrong place now, and I've lost… Continue reading She’s creeping in

Things Change + A Poem

I made a fairly big call recently. I decided to return to my home town in regional coastal Western Australia. It is a place seething with bad memories, and as I have made very clear on this blog before, the source of much trauma. As I was flying in, I realised something. This isn't a… Continue reading Things Change + A Poem

The confusion that comes with being a borderline

I am so, so scared. I am so, so confused. I don't understand my mind anymore. I spent a long time trying to understand how my eating disorder and self-destructive behaviours functioned and served me, but now, in this current place, I am lost once more. I don't understand why the smallest trigger can send… Continue reading The confusion that comes with being a borderline

These are not my only needs

I need to draw to calm my anxiety, but I'm shaking so badly I can't hold a pencil steady. I need to stop shaking because it's freaking people out, but I'm so agitated I can't stop. I need to look after myself, but a worthless person places all others' needs above their own. I need… Continue reading These are not my only needs

Anxious Human Here (4.0)

Turns out, there's still plenty on my mind. Here are some of the things that are making me anxious: People on buses who sit too close, whose clothing brushes against mine. People on buses who cough, or sneeze, or rub their hands against the seat, or avoid sitting next to me when I'm wearing short… Continue reading Anxious Human Here (4.0)

The Verge Becomes The Edge

I don't generally include trigger warnings on my blog posts, but as a forewarning, this post deals pretty explicitly with suicide and suicidal ideation. You know yourself. If this isn't a safe topic for you, please don't read on. It started on Wednesday. I say that's when it started, but of course it's difficult to… Continue reading The Verge Becomes The Edge